When most couples set out to make a baby, they may giggle with excitement as they “remove the goalie”. Sex may be even more tantalizing, thrilling and ecstatic with this new found adventure. Yet, what happens when trying to conceive doesn’t go as smoothly as you planned or imagined? What happens when a month, three, or even a year goes by?
The Trouble with Baby Making
If you are facing obstacles with getting pregnant, baby making can easily lose its sex appeal. Instead of spontaneously having thrilling intercourse, your sexual relations now involve calendars, tracking, ovulation tests, temperature readings, predicted ovulation, and fertile windows. It is often timed, specific, goal oriented and pressure filled. It is exhausting.
Also, for many couples, each time that second line doesn’t appear or menstruation starts again, one or both of you may feel like a failure. It may feel like a heavy loss, mourning your experience over and over again.
This trauma can leave couples focusing solely on getting the job done, leading them to lose all touch with what sex is actually about. This intercourse can increase stress and cause us to shut down physically and emotionally.
The Return of Love Making
It is time for us all to preach for the return of Love Making. Open, pleasurable, sexy, electric, and fun intercourse is dramatically more appealing than baby making. With love making, making a baby is an amazing bonus, not the sole purpose or goal. The purpose is to slow down, experience each other’s bodies, feel the warmth of each other’s breath and bring each other somewhere euphoric. Love making can reduce your stress, activate your parasympathetic nervous system and tell your body you are safe here to truly enjoy yourself. Here you can be present, focused, and excited.
So how do you get here, back to love making? You need to start by taking the pressure off. Easier said than done though, right? Start by talking with your partner about how you want to stop baby making and get back to love making. Share this blog with them. Honestly, does anyone want to ever hear the words “we’ll we got the job done” after sex? No. That is not sexy. And, when you think about the environment in which you created your beautiful child, do you want to remember it being a chore? We think not. Start simply by inviting this shift into the bedroom and see what ignites.
If you and your partner need a different approach, consider first taking a break and check out our blog How To Create and Enjoy Intimacy without Penetration.
P.S. It is rumored that couples who both achieve orgasms during sex are more likely to conceive than those that don’t.
Be sure to check out these additional resources:
Podcast Episodes:
How To Keep Intimacy Alive During The Fertility Journey with Denise Wiesner
How to Restore Intimacy During Infertility
Books:
The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work
To learn more about how the Fab Fertile Method can help improve your chances of getting pregnant naturally, apply here. We’ll come up with a plan specifically designed for your situation. We specialize in low AMH, high FSH, premature ovarian insufficiency, and diminished ovarian reserve.
Blog by Samantha Coffin – Fertility Coach at Fab Fertile Inc.
