How To React to "Just Relax" When You Are TTC
Nov 22, 2021
Chances are if you have been trying to conceive for over a year, someone has told you to just relax. Maybe you have even heard and read stories about women who just stopped trying and magically they were pregnant. They just stopped caring and poof, positive pregnancy test. Unfortunately, it doesn’t work that way for most of us, and getting this often unsolicited advice is invigorating. Surprising to most, couples trying to conceive only have a 15-25% chance in any particular month. That’s low! AND that is without considering the various causes of infertility of difficulty conceiving. So if you are like the millions worldwide having difficulty conceiving, how are you supposed to react to this?
- Walk Away: You have the choice to engage. This not only gives you the space necessary to feel your feelings but also gives them a moment, or several to sit with their words and why they were uncalled for.
- Ignore Them: This is far from easy, we know. Take a breath or three, say thanks, and move away from the situation. If you can’t relocate yourself, consider changing the conversation.
- Tell Me They Crossed A Line: You can let them know this in various ways from saying “Thanks, I’m Good” to “Please do not tell me what to do. Your suggestion is more harmful than helpful.” Now this can feel aggressive, but honestly, them saying “just relax” is pretty aggressive from our perspective.
- Explain Why This Isn’t Supportive: It is not your job to teach each person who preaches this, but if you have the energy or the personality, please go right ahead!
- What are your favorite self care activities?
- What do you like to do just for you?
- How much time are you spending on your phone?
- Do you drink 50-75% of your body weight in ounces of water per day?
- Are you getting 8-10 hours of sleep each night?
- What brings you joy?
- Increased positive thinking
- Stress reduction
- Improved mental health
- Increased happiness
- Better sleep
- Improved self compassion
- Improved relationships
- Ability to recognize your true priorities
- Shut down people who are saying “Just Relax” in whatever way serves you
- Practice at least 10 minutes of self care each day. It doesn't matter what it is as long as it brings you joy!
- Practice meditation
- Get a massage
- Read a book
- Spend time in nature
- Find a fertility coach
- Go out with a friend
- Get intimate with your partner
- Anything that you love!