You likely came to this blog with one of two perspectives. First, you are on your fertility journey, frustrated to not have your baby in your arms yet and are searching for answers. Or you know the content we typically share about getting pregnant naturally with your own eggs and are shocked by the title. This blog is for both of you.
Check out our Ultimate Guide To Getting Pregnant This Year With Low AMH/High FSH.
How Do You Know If it is Time for IVF?
Loaded question, right? But women trying to conceive ask themselves this all the time, myself included. As a woman actively trying and as a fertility coach, there are a 4 key questions I believe are vital to answer for yourself before you can truly head down this road.
- Do you believe you can get pregnant?
So many women, myself included, go through times where we either don’t believe our bodies are capable, we don’t believe we are deserving, we blame ourselves and quite honestly our mindset is straight shit. Well, one of my favorite quotes says it best, “whether you think you can or you think you can’t, you're right” - Henry Ford.
When you don’t believe that you can get pregnant, the chances of you actually conceiving drop dramatically. So whether you are focusing on IVF or improving your chances of pregnancy success before IVF, your mindset matters more than anything.
If your mindset is shot, start by recognizing your mindset is not fixed. We can grow into a growth mindset. We can work out a way to believe something we thought was impossible. There may have been a time when you thought other things you have in your life today were impossible. For a while I didn’t have faith that I would find my husband, but then I stopped looking and ta-da, there he was. I didn’t think I would be able to buy my own house but then I found people to educate and help me and now I have a house to call my own. Think about that for a second for yourself. The impossible is actually possible.
Things that have helped improve my mindset are:
- Visualizing myself pregnant or as a mom
- Writing letters to my future child
- Therapy, especially EMDR
- Setting boundaries
- Practicing gratitude
But truthfully the biggest shift was when I realized that if my child had come when we first started trying, my marriage wouldn’t have been as strong as it is now, my professional life wouldn’t be where it is and most importantly my personal growth that has happened over the years as prepared me to be the mom this child deserves. Is your child waiting for you to learn something to be able to become the parent they need?
- Have you addressed missed healing opportunities?
Way too often we go from our Gyno or OB straight to an RE when we haven’t gotten pregnant within the first year. But what about looking at our body as a whole and not just as baby making machines. Obviously we are struggling to make a baby so why not first make sure the full body is working to its fullest potential? The second RE I ever worked with didn't believe in lifestyle choices having an impact on our health and I was quick to walk out of that office. I knew from prior experience that it absolutely does!
So before considering IVF, look at your whole body. How is your sleep, your digestion? Are you absorbing your nutrients? How is your blood sugar? I don’t have a stat but if I was to guess I would say 99.99% of couples trying to get pregnant that are facing challenges have at least some missed healing opportunities.
So even if you are feeling ready for IVF, look at these! Your chances of success with IVF are significantly higher when your body is optimally functioning.
Me? I was still eating foods that were causing inflammation in my body. I was not drinking enough water, my b-12 absorption was bad, I had blood sugar imbalances and massive brain fog. Not only am I happy to have addressed these for the sake of my future pregnancy, but wow will I be such a better mom with all of these symptoms resolved!
This may sound silly at first, but think about it. What energy are you putting out into the universe if you are not taking care of yourself? What if you are struggling to prioritize yourself? What if you don’t know yet how to protect your energy from the depleting energies of others?
If you are struggling to take care of yourself right now, imagine how much more depleted you will be as a parent? Less sleep, more people with unsolicited advice and opinions. Doctors appointments for a whole new human and the responsibility of keeping them alive. The best gift you can give yourself before starting IVF and having your baby is making sure you know how to take care of yourself. It is vital to make sure you know 1. What fills your cup and 2. How to fill it. And your cup isn’t something that gets filled once it’s emptied. It is about filling it regularly.
Now, this one can sting. I know it did for me. If you are struggling to take care of yourself right now, what will your child learn from you? Children learn from our actions more than our words. They are little sponges that take in everything in their environment. If they see their parents being completely depleted and sacrificing their basic needs daily, they will think that is normal. Do you want them to learn that? Or would you rather teach them things like it's ok to take care of yourself, to take a break, to make time for what feeds your soul?
Learning to truly and steadily take care of yourself before starting IVF could be what helps your round be successful. We know the impact stress has on our bodies and a stressed body in fight or flight does not make babies. A calm and happy body in rest and digest is where babies grow and flourish!
When you look at your day to day life, what would it look like if you added a newborn, 6 month old, 3 year old or 10 year old to the picture? Would they fit into the life you are building right now? How would your morning routine need to change? What about your living environment would need to shift? It may seem silly to you now because they aren’t here yet but just like with self care, are you telling the universe you have space for them or you are too busy, too depleted? Whether you are spiritual or not, take this one to heart, what are you putting out into the universe with your current schedule and environment?
I realized I was working way too much and too late because I was trying to distract myself from my child not arriving. I was hustling because I wouldn’t be able to when the baby finally arrived right? But then what? I was exhausted, too tired for sex, to feed my body well, to even get good quality rest. I was stuck in constant fight or flight, where babies cannot grow because my bodies job is to keep me alive in that state and it can’t do both when I am that depleted.
So, what do you want your mornings, evenings, weekends, and holidays to look like? How do you want to spend your days with your child? What needs to change now to start letting the universe know you have space and energy to welcome this new life and give them the energy they deserve.
What Really Matters
Truthfully at the end of the day, what matters is how you feel about everything. If you have hesitation, listen and investigate that. If you think you have missed healing opportunities or are missing a piece to your puzzle, collect a team that is willing to listen and find the answers with you.
If you feel ready, do it and know that your decision is yours. Remember just because this child needed a little kickstart on starting their growth journey, your pregnancy is still natural. Your parenthood is natural. Your life together is natural.
Check out our Ultimate Guide To Getting Pregnant This Year With Low AMH/High FSH.
Blog by Samantha Coffin - Fertility Coach at Fab Fertile
